geez, so much has changed since I last wrote on here... Not very many people read this.. and the ones that do mostly know the news, although they might lack details.... So since I am on a break between classes right now...I can duelve into it a bit.

So the advertising agency is out ... WAY out. I quit almost two months ago. At first I was way excited... "a new lease on life", I thought... "the possibilities are endless", I kept telling myself, but then rent was due and I quickly burst out of my bubble of candy corns and jubilee....and into reality... for what seems truly like the first time for me... You see I had a sort of mini mid-mid life crisis, of course most of us who have seen Office Space or had the opportunity to venture to another country have seen sort of a bigger picture in life and longed for our role, what God's true plan was for us and our talents. Well, no job for a month will really let you ponder these issues. So I had to find the balance... what makes me happy, what can I strive for an impactful career in, what can I do where I will make money, how can I optimally work for my self, travel, enjoy life, raise a family, positively influence children, my children. Oh man the questions flowed like lava out of Mt. Etna. Of course there was also a clicking money clock in the background saying, "Hey Penenlope... while you are finding yourself and wallowing in depression... you are losing money.... Take a JOB, any job whilst you are in this process.", it demanded.... so I listened to that nagging money clock which incidentally had a sililar fatherly tone to it :) In order to get the silver spoon out of my mouth for good, an in order to not keep putting a bandaid over a bleeding wound. I.E. going from one quick fix Journalism/ PR/ Marketing Job to the next.... I realized the answer had been in front of me all along. (I love how I always say that I will tell the short version. HA!)

Before I divulge the answer to all life's problems.. he he... you have to know the tests, the grit God put me through...

Waitressing... yee haw for waitressing. It sucks, bigtime. But it is humbling and teaches servantry.. this is good. It has built my character to the ying yang and out the wazoo. Working in the inner city and being put through a 2 week rigorous training that consisted of two exams a day was also annerving... (that stuck up voice inside you wants to shout out..."For Belzebub's sake... I have a degree...." Restyaurant Managers don't care and I can honestly say that I have put myself in some pickles in life... had some really hard times... but this was one of my biggest tests of character, perserverance and dedication to a bigger goal than EVER before... A friend of mine would call this, "Vanessa's growsed up",  (and he would say it exactly that way). So don't cry for me Argentina... right after I slaved through training, double and triple shifts, weeks of work followed by one afternoon off only to start all over again, studying menu & abbreviations over and over every night and having NO LIFe, not eating at a restaurant for over 2 weeks, (okay, okay I 'll get off it...) You get the pic.

However, things fell into place almost all at the same time, but of course in a perfectly divine order. Right before I started at Pappasitos - the restaurant - I had a dream.... I won't get into the psychosis of it, but it was crazy, and I didn't sleep all night, It was kind of an awake/ asleep dream, I went to the beach that morning at like 6 am , and felt alive and full of drive for the first time in a while ( I was getting Vanessa back.... the Ad Agency had lost her).

So I then knew being a designer was truly what I wanted to be.... a decorator, event coordinator, stylist all rolled into one... and I would start by taking some classes, learning to sew, and diving head into theis world I had always so secretly loved and wanted to be a part of, I was just taken aback because I don't like to do things that are so cliche. I once told a friend..."it is one thing to say in your Paris Hilton valley like voice, Um, I like clothes and I want to design them... and it is quite another alltogether to appreciate color and the moods it creates, fabric texture, the different eras, what Tom Ford and Yves St Laurent did for women in this century... it wa always on my mind, as a hobby but criticism and parents will tell you there is no money in the field. Proving them wrong will be my pleasure... in about 3-5 years :)

So right after I found my passion again, and realized I should do what I have always wanted since I was 5 years old playing dressup with my Italian grandmother's gowns, heels and costume jewelry (you could say the vintage appreciation was honed early).. I knew. I have always known. The dream is fun, now comes the hard part.

So the dream happened and  I starting talking to the lady who owns my fav. vintage store in the Heights, she gave me a sewing lesson, talked to me about school, I got the job at Pappasitos, decided to take 2 fashion classes at HCC in the Fall and got a part time job at Anthropologie (one of my fav. clothing/home stores). It all happened so fast and fruitfully, that I quickly forgot about the depressing month and a half before that had almost killed me, I shedded  it off like a fabulous snake sheds off the ugly old skin and has the new one there underneath already.. it was just waiting to be discovered.

Currently Playing Chariot By Gavin Degraw see related

- Just Friends - -

I think all of us kids (now adults  in denial, really) should rise up and start our own thing... like a restaurant or venue or clothing line... whatevs... I just hate the idea of working with people I despise and wasting my life... and I know so many talented and amazing people... it would be like being on tour, but instead of a band, it would be a business.  Anyway, I re-read a friend's email today and let my thoughts ferment... and I have had this feeling for a looong time. If I had started with music younger, or actually.. stayed with it when I was younger...I think I would have loved to be a music teacher... but even then you would have corporate administrators breathing down your neck telling you not to hug the children and forcing you to teach them songs like, What a difference you made in my life.... Oops, I'm projecting....

well, that's my thought, I know people complain about the 1million ninehundredseventy thousand pop punk, screamo, emo, harcore, new wave, retro funk punk bands out there.....but man, I'd gladly trade in a little corporate dignity to be classified among those ranks...

So, the good news is I learned a c scale last night and can play it with both hands.... so maybe Silverchair will get back on the road and take as their backup piano player :)

Holding my breath

Happy Birthday Josh and Cameron!

Currently Playing Permission to Land By Darkness see related

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LOVE ON THE ROCKS WITH NO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!

As we blaze down the higway with nothing but outrageous expectations, a feeling comes over me that this might be the best (arena) rock show I will have attended so far (keeping in mind this is a dead breed in my generation.)

We arrive, I nab superb parking, as always (thank you Jesus) and I see the line. It's an hour pre show and the line is wrapped like an anaconda. We approach and the usual random person spotting begins. We meet new people, we hug old friends, we talk about peoples outfits - mostly good but some bad.

Wardrobe alone deserves its own paragraph. Ok let's start with the group of 5 or 6 who decided to color coordinate... cute idea...really it was cute, something I think I would have been capable of being talked into myself. The group who obviously came together opted for black and neon green. Boys in black dress pants and shirts and neon green ties clinged tight to their darlings in punky skirts and neon green accesories... then there were the boys who were glammed out a la early Aerosmith... tight leather pants with bandanas and skin tight t-shirts... the pants were just long enough to expose their ankles and brand new chucks. The look was hilarious and so relevant. In fact me and a friend applauded as the walked past the line (only to find their place at the back minutes later) Read. A cool wardrobe does not give you cutting priveledges. The funniest thing -and I'm sad to say it almost ruined it for me-was that upon closer inspection, we realized all these glam  boys were jocks ... at least the've stepped over to the dark side.... mwah ha ha wmah ha ha

Of course then there was the game of whose the most punk. (I judge this on who has the most tattoos and best hair)  Some eightized out gals totally got my vote. Awesome jet black asymetrical hair... a black and red off the shoulder shirt, exposin' the art,  A black mini and neon blue tights with black stilletto boots...she was great... I could go on and on about this topic but I must get on to what's important.... THE ROCK.

The Wildhearts.... WOW... Now I knew the band that opened for the Darkness would have to be pretty good, but every song that these guys played sounded like a freaked out version of any of my favorite songs. The band- also from London- was like a hyped up -power -ballad -punk -pop -parade that mixed in the hard rock ever so affluently.... great change ups, wonderful melody, so sing-alongable... I am currenlty trying to track down this cd as their performance made me very very happy. The lead singer, with his streaked dreads down to his waist slowly gained the crowds acceptance. The drummer looked like the Brett Michaels from Poision... flowing straight blonde hair and he had put on his black "football" lines under his eyes.... the other two members moved around so much I could hardly keep up. They were all very solid. They started the set out in sycronized jump kicks that we imitated in our limited moving space We danced the whole time (this rarely happens with a new band). Then my friend turned and said what I was thinking at the exact moment.... these guys sound like the Huntingtons...like I said- great funky renditions of VERY FAMILIAR songs.

Eternity, otherwise known as the set change, ensues and after the 22nd time of me saying, "Raise your goblet of Rock" (school of Rock) the lights go out. I hear girlish squeals that were comming from boys (Cameron). A 4th of July lights display on-stage commands everyones attention and a sea of smiles take over the additoruim like a wicked contagion. I can't even remeber the order but they must have played the whole Permission to Land album. After a couple songs, my girl friend pulls me close and yells "Let's go" with her sly grin and pointing eyes beckoning me to go into the mayhem. Suddenly it is quite apparent that I will be leaving my coffortable world of dancing at the back of the floor and also leaving this show with dirt on my shoes and not smelling quite as nice as when I walked in... but who cared... the Darkness took me out of reality for over an hour. I escaped from my trite world of who keeps stealing my my my stapler at work and I went into a place of solace. I rose my goblet of rock,  I danced to the beat of every song and somehow I ending up center stage right in front of the band. Don't ask me how we got there. Then I decide we must do more... So I get a guy to throw us up into the crowd where I stand up straight, screaming at the audience and then do the "trust fall" backwards into the well-recieving crowd. I make it over the bar unschathed and as soon as everyone in the front row slaps my hand from behing the security bar, I realize I have now gotten seperated from everyone. Then, "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" begins. I stand in the audience and suddenly I flash in my head to that scene in Titanic where all those people are in the water and they can't find their loved ones. I pray that I will find them and moments later, my taller than tall friend serves as my lighthouse. So I run into the middle of them and crack up when they tell me they saw me at the front.

Then comes the encore. He teases us with singing small parts, and then launces into "Love On the Rocks". During the very last song, the lead singer has one of his roadies put him on his shoulders and he comes out into the audience playing his guitar. Naturally we all run towards (playing along with the rock star persona). I just wanted to see him up close. Then my friend rushes him and strums his guitar. He growls at her, "Get the F*** off my guitar". We crack up for 10 minutes. It was hard to leave but the time we spent rocking our faces off wont be forgotten, ever. I can't wait to raise my goblet and salute those who are about to rock again.

Currently Playing Essential Johnny Cash 1955-83 By Johnny Cash see related

SWITCHFOOT tonight, yeah!

Hi Josh